Civic Duty

Yep, I got that notice in the mail that says I'm to report for jury duty. I got all the way to the end of the day, 12 jurors had been picked and then the judge says, but wait! I need 2 alternates. Doh! Please don't call my name, please don't call my name...Sarah....doh! They called my name.

So yep, I'm on a 10 day trial, fun times. But not consecutive days, so expect to hear from me tomorrow.

I OBJECT!

via

Funnies Mr. Says

I have to share the comment Mr. said the other day.

He was drinking this:

His comment while drinking it:

"Man this has zero calories, I think it would taste better if they put some calories in it."

He then poured it down the drain and drank some beer instead.

So have a good weekend and drink something with some calories in it!

Marriage is a Lifetime - Lesson 3

I started this marriage series to give you a glimpse of my marriage and what does and doesn't work for us. I thought I'd start out with some really important lessons we learned when we went on our engaged encounter before we got married. I think they are life lessons that really helped our marriage.
Lesson 3 - Communication

This seems totally obvious right? But it's not always easy to communicate to your spouse or loved one. I remember way back when we were dating Mr. and I had this HUGE mis-communication and it resulted in lots of crying on my part and wondering if he was just a liar. Turns out I just didn't understand what he had said to me and after much coaxing on his part I finally told him why I was crying and why I was so upset.*

*Background on me: I am NOT a communicator. I hate any kind of confrontation, I use to hold things in until I couldn't handle it any more and then suddenly I'm blowing up and upset about 6 different things that have happened over the past several months. This is what NOT to do!

Being married has taught me to communicate. Mr. is a huge communicator and over the past 9.5 years that we've been together, he's taught me, it really is best to communicate. Even when you think it's totally obvious and a given, say it out loud, half the time the other person isn't thinking along the same lines.

An example (before kids, and still applies) - When going on vacation, which should be a fun, happy go lucky time, can cause lots of stress if both of you aren't on the same page. If one person wants to go, go, go, while the other just wants to sit back and relax, that can cause some arguments. Now, before we go on any trip, we discuss what we want out of the trip, what we have to see and what is a nice to see type of thing. Through the years we've decided that it's best if we decided to do one major thing a day and then everything else is just a bonus. We don't try to jam pack our schedule with seeing everything all at once. We figure if both of us are tired and exhausted from waking up at the butt crack of dawn to get everything in, neither one of us is going to enjoy the trip or each others company. We fully enjoy that one thing we've decided to do and fully appreciate where we are and the luxury it is to be able to be where we are.

Yosemite 2009

An example (after kids) - This one is important. We ALWAYS communicate when we are NOT watching Baby Fox. If both of us are in the same room and one of us leaves, we always communicate to the other one that we are leaving and are NOT watching Baby Fox. Even if it's to use the restroom, I always tell Mr. I'm going to the bathroom, I do not have Baby Fox. (Most of the time Baby Fox wants to go with me, cue the part where I haven't gone to the bathroom by myself at my own house in a long while) This communication is especially important when we are at a party, we always make sure that if one of us is going to go get something to drink, we make sure we tell the other person where we are going and that they are in charge in watching Baby Fox. It's so simple to just tell the other person that they are in charge of kid. Sometimes you think they see you leaving and you assume they know they are supposed to be watching the kid, but in reality they probably didn't see you leave and have no idea the kid is their responsibility now.

Was not taken during Halloween, he wanted to wear his costume to the park in February. Cause you know, everyone wears a dinosaur costume to the park in the middle of February.

When something happens that you don't like, say something in the moment (unless you're with company and it's not an appropriate time), but don't let it sit a week and then just blow up at them. Talk to your spouse, tell them, hey when you said this at dinner, it made me feel like this...Most of the time they didn't even realize that they had said that and didn't mean anything, but it's always nice to get it off your chest, so you're not just festering in the anger for a week and thinking they did it on purpose, when in reality it probably wasn't meant like that. I know when I don't say something right away, I just let myself get more angry until I'm crying one day and have no idea why, then realize that my feelings are still hurt from the previous week (yep that's right, I'm a crier...). Just get it out there, even if you think it's going to hurt their feelings, best to get it out in the open, get it off your chests and then move on from it. Remember lesson 1?

When you communicate, everyone's happy!

Communication in my opinion isn't always about hashing it out and talking, it can mean other things too.

Other ways to communicate:

• Complimenting each other. Tell your spouse they look good that day, even after a long day of work.
• Saying a simple "thank you for (fill in the blank), I appreciate it." A thank you goes a long way. I know when I've cooked dinner and decide to let Mr. have some time with Baby Fox I appreciate that he recognizes that I did do the dishes so he could get some baby time in.
• Small gestures. Like noticing that there isn't any more creamer and picking some up on the way home. While this isn't a spoken communication, it a gesture to let your partner know that you care about them and think about them throughout the day by buying them creamer for their (in my case) tea the next morning.
• Leaving random notes. I'll leave random notes in Mr.'s wallet or in his lunch or taped to his creamer.

What are your thoughts on communication? What are your downfalls? Where do you know you need to improve? 

Mine is that when something hurts my feelings I don't always speak up, I just figure, eventually the feeling will go away or I'm probably overreacting. But in reality, if your feelings are hurt, that is a valid feeling and should be addressed. 

 The Other Lessons:

Lesson 1 - Learn How To Fight

Lesson 2 - Love is a Choice

A Marriage is a Lifetime - Lesson 2

I started this marriage series to give you a glimpse of my marriage and what does and doesn't work for us. I thought I'd start out with some really important lessons we learned when we went on our engaged encounter before we got married. I think they are life lessons that really helped our marriage.

Lesson 2: Love is a choice.

Now this may sound weird. You're probably thinking, wait I always love my spouse all the time. But do you? I think relationships go in phases. What I mean is first you have the butterflies of meeting The One, then the phone calls and dates start and you're excited and always want to be with each other. Then the engagement happens and those excited feelings either come back or you just keep you going on that relationship high (you know when the person can do no wrong, light of your life, etc), getting married and being able to call your once boyfriend/fiance to husband status, that high can last a couple of years. The newness of everything keeps you going. But what happens when you settle into a routine and things aren't all butterflies and rainbows?

This is when you CHOSE to love your partner. You wake up and think, I am choosing to love this person no matter what. Some days you won't have to think that, you'll just wake up and know. But other days when he's left his laundry on the floor instead of the hamper, he forgot to get some milk on the way home from work, you are choosing to love this person. When you get in an argument and think you are really not happy with him, at those moments you have to choose to love this person and remember the reasons why you married him in the first place.

Mr. and I rarely argue, but we do have those small little things that are so stupid saying why you were fighting out loud is just ridiculous, one of us will shout out to the other person, "I'm choosing to love you right now!" Usually that's enough to break our momentary anger and realize that fighting over which way to drive to the movie theaters isn't that big of a deal. It helps to not escalate a small little fight into something bigger where things are said and can't be taken back.

So when you're fighting and not talking, just keep reminding yourself you are choosing to love this person and remember why you got married in the first place.

Now go out and choose to love your spouse today.

Life of Lates

I haven't done any outfit posts lately because...well I feel like a big fat whale. Okay not really, but nothing really fits and with the morning sickness came the "don't touch or even look at me funny, I might puke" feeling. So anything constricting on my stomach was a no-no. So I've been left to wear the same dresses and cardigans every single day, week after week. Nothing to write home about, I've saving your eyes, really.

This pregnancy is so different from the last one. Last time I was hoping and praying I would be one of those girls that went up a cup size or two, but no dice, I nursed for 14 months and nothing, same size as before. But this time, holy cow, I think I need a new bra...now to decide which one to get.

Last night we went to Mastro's Ocean Club in Newport Beach for our anniversary. Yum, yum! We had a friend watching Baby Fox, and we just sat, enjoyed our meal without being rushed. So nice! This was our view, well not exactly our view, this picture was taken from the website, but we got to stare at the ocean the whole time during sunset, it was perfect.

Baby Fox has such a great sense of humor. The other day Mr. was taunting him because Baby Fox couldn't quite reach Mr. with his stick kid hands. Baby Fox thought this was hilarious and was laughing all while trying to get Mr. Then all of a sudden, Baby Fox stops laughing and says "Come Closer" and does that hand gesture to go with. Both Mr. and I busted out laughing, like where did that come from, and it was slightly creepy the way Baby Fox said it. Love that kid.

Cause every tractor needs a dinosaur driving it and another one being chased by it. See all those dinosaurs lined up in the background? I don't think this kid has enough dinosaurs....riiiight!

Baby Fox got bumped to the next level of swim class, which means, no more getting in the pool with him anymore. Just him another student and a teacher. He's totally ready, but I don't think I'm ready for my baby to be swimming. Perhaps Baby Fox needs another nickname. Naaaawww, he'll always be my baby!

What's been going on in your life? Anything random?

Happy Anniversary

To us! Mr. on our wedding day, isn't he the cutest?

Me on our wedding day

I can't believe that 8 years has passed, so much has happened - lots of traveling, selling a condo, buying a house, fixing up the house, having a baby and now another one on the way. I couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else. I found the perfect mate, we compliment each other in every way, like two peas in a pod. I look forward to the many years to come and what life has in store for us. I know no matter what we'll do it together, holding hands and knowing that we can count on each other.

Love you Mr.!

A Marriage is a Lifetime - Lesson 1

I thought I would start a small series about what makes Mr. and my marriage work for us and maybe hopefully shed some light onto others about what we've learned in the 8 years we've been married. I'm not sure how long it will go for, but here's the first installment -these are in no particular order of importance, just what I felt like writing about on that day.

The motto of the whole Engaged Encounter weekend

 Mr. and I have been together for 9.5 years and married for 8 (okay in 5 days it will be 8 years), wow, where does the time go? I swear we were just two kids meeting and falling in love and telling my parents we were getting married after being together for only 11 months.

Some people say that the first couple of years of their marriage were the hardest years of their marriage, and while it is quite an adjustment, I can't say that we had it very hard those first couple of years. I think between him living in Huntington Beach and me in Los Angeles, and going back and forth, and me working in Woodland Hills, it was a lot of driving back and forth and LOTS of miles put on our cars. It definitely wasn't a relationship out of convenience. After we got married, living together was just easy, we got to see each other everyday and there was no more driving between apartments*.

In order to get married in the Catholic church one of the requirements is to go on engaged encounter . Even though we had talked about EVERYTHING under the sun, we went into the weekend retreat with open minds and hearts and ready to learn even more about the person we were about to become life long partners with. (side note: I know many people who went with a closed mind, just to check something off the list, only to have a horrible time and feeling annoyed with the whole situation. I actually feel bad for them, that they didn't try and get the most out of the weekend and really take the time to grow as a couple).  In the end, we learned some important lessons that weekend and to this day still implement everything in our marriage on a daily basis. (It didn't hurt that our engaged encounter was in Malibu overlooking the ocean, writing in our journals each session, looking at the beautiful crystal clear blue water made everyone want to open up and be honest.)

Lesson 1: Learn how to fight fairly. We rarely fight, and when we do we rarely raise our voices and start a screaming match. This mostly has to do with our personalities, we are both pretty laid back and that's just not how we do things with anyone (especially me, I hate confrontation and will avoid it at all costs).

The correct way to fight (I know there are rules):

• Fight Fair - Never bring up past fights or arguments. That is not fighting fair. If you have already forgiven your partner for whatever it was you fought about in the past, it's done and over with, for you to bring it up means that you really didn't forgive them in the first place.
• Don't say "I'm Sorry" - Now and days I'm sorry is just thrown around like it means nothing. You accidentally bump into someone, you say I'm sorry.  You get in a fight with your partner and you say I'm sorry, you just said sorry to that person you don't even know. This can't be the same sorry to the person you love and pledged to live the rest of your life with.
• Ask for Forgiveness - Instead of saying "I'm sorry", say "husband, will you forgive me for (then state the reason you are asking for forgiveness). By doing this you are acknowledging their feelings and that you understand how they felt and how you made them feel in the process. It takes a lot of courage to ask for someone's forgiveness, since they have to reply with a yes I will forgive you, or no I don't forgive. It makes you vulnerable to them, instead of spouting out I'm sorry not really meaning it only to bring it up in another fight down the road.

Sometimes Mr. and I will need a cooling off period, time to really think about what is going on and reflect about how we really feel and why we feel that way. Sometimes I jump the gun a bit only to realize a little later that I wasn't really feeling one thing, but was really feeling another, but my first reaction was anger, when in reality it was really my feelings were hurt.

I know this doesn't work for everyone, but once Mr. and I went to bed angry with each other and both of us couldn't fall sleep and we ended up waking up around 2am to talk things out. After a few hours of just laying there awake, 2am seemed like a good time to talk things out, and after about 10 minute we both realized it was mis-communication and that we needed to work on our communication with each other.

So there you have it, so now go out and fight fair.

*Mr. and I did not live together before we got married. I moved all my stuff into his apartment the week before we got married and then I stayed with my parents until our wedding day. We went on our honeymoon to come back to a condo full of packed boxes. We aren't the norm I realize.