Thursday, April 25, 2013

Marriage is a Lifetime - Lesson 4

I started this marriage series to give you a glimpse of my marriage and what does and doesn't work for us. I thought I'd start out with some really important lessons we learned when we went on our engaged encounter before we got married. I think they are life lessons that really helped our marriage.

Lesson 4 - Compromise and pick your battles

You are a partner it's not all about you any more. You have to think about how your actions are going to affect the other person. You don't have to walk on eggshells or anything, but you should want to take in your partners feelings before making big decisions. Like a job change, finances, or where to vacation. You have to think, if my partner did the same thing to me, how would that make me feel. Put yourself in their shoes and then re-evaluate, are you making the right decision.

Obviously the job change affects everyone involved, is the new job going to pay the same, less, more? What are the working hours, are you going to be gone longer then you currently are, is there a lot of travel? Those would need to be discussed.

Even something like finances needs to be discussed (a whole other post). But in short, if one is a spender and the other is a saver, agree on how your money is spent. We agreed early on in our marriage that if we were going to spend more then $100 we would let the other person know. That number has since sort of dissolved, and you'll learn why in my money post, so you'll have to come back for that one. =)

Even vacations need to be discussed. Where are you going, what do you want to do, what are your expectations? Everything takes a little compromise. I'm a let's go, go, go type of person, while Mr. is perfectly happy just doing one major thing a day and then resting or doing nothing. Again for another post, another day. But bottom line, compromise, everyone wants to have a good time and have a fun, relaxing vacation. So compromise with each other about what to do.

I think the big thing on compromise, at least for us, are the little things. For example:

I like to keep things out. If I'm working on a project and know that I'm going to work on it the next night I'll keep it out on the table. Mr. would put it away. He said that for the first few months of marriage he would be constantly putting things away for me. He would follow my little mouse trails and put stuff away. He eventually decided, you know what, it's not worth me doing it only for her to take it out the next night. He never really talked to me about it, but decided that it wasn't something that was worth fighting over. He knew this about me before getting married and can't expect me to change because of how he wants things. We are living together now and it's both of our space now. Now don't get me wrong, there are times when he goes into what I call "hurricane" mode where everything gets swept up and put somewhere (not always in a place I want). When that happens I try to scurry in front of him and limit the damage on how much gets put into a place where I'll never see it again. Like I said, I know he does eventually have a breaking point, so I try to clean stuff up before he hits that point. That or have people over to the house so it forces me to clean up :) No my house isn't always this spotless clean, hehe, have you fooled huh?

Really decide how much of a big deal it is. Is it worth a fight or argument? And what do you expect to get out of it? You shouldn't just start yelling about how you hate x and then not have a solution or somewhere to start.  It can't always be your way or the highway, both people have to give a little. Once you figure this out and figure out how it works within your marriage you are going to be much happier. If something really upsets you, i.e. leaving socks on the ground, tell your partner that. Let him/her know that it really bothers you and ask if he/she can make more of an effort to put them in the hamper when done with them. (For the record this has not happened to me). It's not fair to the other person to expect them to change who they are, you knew who you married when you said "I Do", so compromise and you'll have a much happier marriage.

What are your thoughts on the subject?

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Random Wednesday

Can I just be a professional juror? I mean seriously, we don't start until 9am on most days, get a break at 10:30am, get lunch from 12pm-1:30pm, get another break at 3pm, and then leave for the day around 4:15pm. Seriously? What a life, you sit there listen to some interesting stuff, get to see Law and Order play out in real life. Okay so it's not really that action packed and stuff, but it is sort of cool when the judge says sidebar and all of the lawyers go up to this desk to quietly whisper about stuff we're not supposed to hear. I could get used to this life...mostly the sleeping in part.

We're on a break for the rest of the week and will resume next week, get to miss another 4 days of work next week, heck ya! I love being able to actually stay up with my husband and watch more than 30 minutes of tv. It's awesome I tell ya.

Over the weekend we went to the farmers market and I can't tell you how cute a toddler is trying to consume a ginormous strawberry. I personally think it's because he was able to walk in the street by himself, which normally we don't let him. He was having a ball, and eating a ton of fruit, nothing could be better in my book.

and of course we didn't have any napkins on us...luckily we did have some wipes, it took approximately 10 wipes to un-stick-afy him. But worth it with how much he was enjoying the strawberries. Yep that's me and my small belly behind him.

Linking up with Shanna today

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Civic Duty

Yep, I got that notice in the mail that says I'm to report for jury duty. I got all the way to the end of the day, 12 jurors had been picked and then the judge says, but wait! I need 2 alternates. Doh! Please don't call my name, please don't call my name...Sarah....doh! They called my name.

So yep, I'm on a 10 day trial, fun times. But not consecutive days, so expect to hear from me tomorrow.



Friday, April 12, 2013

Funnies Mr. Says

I have to share the comment Mr. said the other day.

He was drinking this:

His comment while drinking it:

"Man this has zero calories, I think it would taste better if they put some calories in it."

He then poured it down the drain and drank some beer instead.

So have a good weekend and drink something with some calories in it!

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Marriage is a Lifetime - Lesson 3

I started this marriage series to give you a glimpse of my marriage and what does and doesn't work for us. I thought I'd start out with some really important lessons we learned when we went on our engaged encounter before we got married. I think they are life lessons that really helped our marriage.
Lesson 3 - Communication

This seems totally obvious right? But it's not always easy to communicate to your spouse or loved one. I remember way back when we were dating Mr. and I had this HUGE mis-communication and it resulted in lots of crying on my part and wondering if he was just a liar. Turns out I just didn't understand what he had said to me and after much coaxing on his part I finally told him why I was crying and why I was so upset.*

*Background on me: I am NOT a communicator. I hate any kind of confrontation, I use to hold things in until I couldn't handle it any more and then suddenly I'm blowing up and upset about 6 different things that have happened over the past several months. This is what NOT to do!

Being married has taught me to communicate. Mr. is a huge communicator and over the past 9.5 years that we've been together, he's taught me, it really is best to communicate. Even when you think it's totally obvious and a given, say it out loud, half the time the other person isn't thinking along the same lines.

An example (before kids, and still applies) - When going on vacation, which should be a fun, happy go lucky time, can cause lots of stress if both of you aren't on the same page. If one person wants to go, go, go, while the other just wants to sit back and relax, that can cause some arguments. Now, before we go on any trip, we discuss what we want out of the trip, what we have to see and what is a nice to see type of thing. Through the years we've decided that it's best if we decided to do one major thing a day and then everything else is just a bonus. We don't try to jam pack our schedule with seeing everything all at once. We figure if both of us are tired and exhausted from waking up at the butt crack of dawn to get everything in, neither one of us is going to enjoy the trip or each others company. We fully enjoy that one thing we've decided to do and fully appreciate where we are and the luxury it is to be able to be where we are.

Yosemite 2009
An example (after kids) - This one is important. We ALWAYS communicate when we are NOT watching Baby Fox. If both of us are in the same room and one of us leaves, we always communicate to the other one that we are leaving and are NOT watching Baby Fox. Even if it's to use the restroom, I always tell Mr. I'm going to the bathroom, I do not have Baby Fox. (Most of the time Baby Fox wants to go with me, cue the part where I haven't gone to the bathroom by myself at my own house in a long while) This communication is especially important when we are at a party, we always make sure that if one of us is going to go get something to drink, we make sure we tell the other person where we are going and that they are in charge in watching Baby Fox. It's so simple to just tell the other person that they are in charge of kid. Sometimes you think they see you leaving and you assume they know they are supposed to be watching the kid, but in reality they probably didn't see you leave and have no idea the kid is their responsibility now.

Was not taken during Halloween, he wanted to wear his costume to the park in February. Cause you know, everyone wears a dinosaur costume to the park in the middle of February.

When something happens that you don't like, say something in the moment (unless you're with company and it's not an appropriate time), but don't let it sit a week and then just blow up at them. Talk to your spouse, tell them, hey when you said this at dinner, it made me feel like this...Most of the time they didn't even realize that they had said that and didn't mean anything, but it's always nice to get it off your chest, so you're not just festering in the anger for a week and thinking they did it on purpose, when in reality it probably wasn't meant like that. I know when I don't say something right away, I just let myself get more angry until I'm crying one day and have no idea why, then realize that my feelings are still hurt from the previous week (yep that's right, I'm a crier...). Just get it out there, even if you think it's going to hurt their feelings, best to get it out in the open, get it off your chests and then move on from it. Remember lesson 1?

When you communicate, everyone's happy!

Communication in my opinion isn't always about hashing it out and talking, it can mean other things too.

Other ways to communicate:
  • Complimenting each other. Tell your spouse they look good that day, even after a long day of work.
  • Saying a simple "thank you for (fill in the blank), I appreciate it." A thank you goes a long way. I know when I've cooked dinner and decide to let Mr. have some time with Baby Fox I appreciate that he recognizes that I did do the dishes so he could get some baby time in.
  • Small gestures. Like noticing that there isn't any more creamer and picking some up on the way home. While this isn't a spoken communication, it a gesture to let your partner know that you care about them and think about them throughout the day by buying them creamer for their (in my case) tea the next morning.
  • Leaving random notes. I'll leave random notes in Mr.'s wallet or in his lunch or taped to his creamer.
What are your thoughts on communication? What are your downfalls? Where do you know you need to improve? 

Mine is that when something hurts my feelings I don't always speak up, I just figure, eventually the feeling will go away or I'm probably overreacting. But in reality, if your feelings are hurt, that is a valid feeling and should be addressed. 

 The Other Lessons:

Lesson 1 - Learn How To Fight
Lesson 2 - Love is a Choice

Thursday, April 4, 2013

A Marriage is a Lifetime - Lesson 2

I started this marriage series to give you a glimpse of my marriage and what does and doesn't work for us. I thought I'd start out with some really important lessons we learned when we went on our engaged encounter before we got married. I think they are life lessons that really helped our marriage.

Lesson 2: Love is a choice.

Now this may sound weird. You're probably thinking, wait I always love my spouse all the time. But do you? I think relationships go in phases. What I mean is first you have the butterflies of meeting The One, then the phone calls and dates start and you're excited and always want to be with each other. Then the engagement happens and those excited feelings either come back or you just keep you going on that relationship high (you know when the person can do no wrong, light of your life, etc), getting married and being able to call your once boyfriend/fiance to husband status, that high can last a couple of years. The newness of everything keeps you going. But what happens when you settle into a routine and things aren't all butterflies and rainbows?

This is when you CHOSE to love your partner. You wake up and think, I am choosing to love this person no matter what. Some days you won't have to think that, you'll just wake up and know. But other days when he's left his laundry on the floor instead of the hamper, he forgot to get some milk on the way home from work, you are choosing to love this person. When you get in an argument and think you are really not happy with him, at those moments you have to choose to love this person and remember the reasons why you married him in the first place.

Mr. and I rarely argue, but we do have those small little things that are so stupid saying why you were fighting out loud is just ridiculous, one of us will shout out to the other person, "I'm choosing to love you right now!" Usually that's enough to break our momentary anger and realize that fighting over which way to drive to the movie theaters isn't that big of a deal. It helps to not escalate a small little fight into something bigger where things are said and can't be taken back.

So when you're fighting and not talking, just keep reminding yourself you are choosing to love this person and remember why you got married in the first place.

Now go out and choose to love your spouse today.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Life of Lates

I haven't done any outfit posts lately because...well I feel like a big fat whale. Okay not really, but nothing really fits and with the morning sickness came the "don't touch or even look at me funny, I might puke" feeling. So anything constricting on my stomach was a no-no. So I've been left to wear the same dresses and cardigans every single day, week after week. Nothing to write home about, I've saving your eyes, really.

This pregnancy is so different from the last one. Last time I was hoping and praying I would be one of those girls that went up a cup size or two, but no dice, I nursed for 14 months and nothing, same size as before. But this time, holy cow, I think I need a new to decide which one to get.

Last night we went to Mastro's Ocean Club in Newport Beach for our anniversary. Yum, yum! We had a friend watching Baby Fox, and we just sat, enjoyed our meal without being rushed. So nice! This was our view, well not exactly our view, this picture was taken from the website, but we got to stare at the ocean the whole time during sunset, it was perfect.

Baby Fox has such a great sense of humor. The other day Mr. was taunting him because Baby Fox couldn't quite reach Mr. with his stick kid hands. Baby Fox thought this was hilarious and was laughing all while trying to get Mr. Then all of a sudden, Baby Fox stops laughing and says "Come Closer" and does that hand gesture to go with. Both Mr. and I busted out laughing, like where did that come from, and it was slightly creepy the way Baby Fox said it. Love that kid.

Cause every tractor needs a dinosaur driving it and another one being chased by it. See all those dinosaurs lined up in the background? I don't think this kid has enough dinosaurs....riiiight!
Baby Fox got bumped to the next level of swim class, which means, no more getting in the pool with him anymore. Just him another student and a teacher. He's totally ready, but I don't think I'm ready for my baby to be swimming. Perhaps Baby Fox needs another nickname. Naaaawww, he'll always be my baby!

What's been going on in your life? Anything random?

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Happy Anniversary

To us! Mr. on our wedding day, isn't he the cutest?

Me on our wedding day

I can't believe that 8 years has passed, so much has happened - lots of traveling, selling a condo, buying a house, fixing up the house, having a baby and now another one on the way. I couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else. I found the perfect mate, we compliment each other in every way, like two peas in a pod. I look forward to the many years to come and what life has in store for us. I know no matter what we'll do it together, holding hands and knowing that we can count on each other.

Love you Mr.!