A Marriage is a Lifetime - Lesson 1

I thought I would start a small series about what makes Mr. and my marriage work for us and maybe hopefully shed some light onto others about what we've learned in the 8 years we've been married. I'm not sure how long it will go for, but here's the first installment -these are in no particular order of importance, just what I felt like writing about on that day.

The motto of the whole Engaged Encounter weekend

 Mr. and I have been together for 9.5 years and married for 8 (okay in 5 days it will be 8 years), wow, where does the time go? I swear we were just two kids meeting and falling in love and telling my parents we were getting married after being together for only 11 months.

Some people say that the first couple of years of their marriage were the hardest years of their marriage, and while it is quite an adjustment, I can't say that we had it very hard those first couple of years. I think between him living in Huntington Beach and me in Los Angeles, and going back and forth, and me working in Woodland Hills, it was a lot of driving back and forth and LOTS of miles put on our cars. It definitely wasn't a relationship out of convenience. After we got married, living together was just easy, we got to see each other everyday and there was no more driving between apartments*.

In order to get married in the Catholic church one of the requirements is to go on engaged encounter . Even though we had talked about EVERYTHING under the sun, we went into the weekend retreat with open minds and hearts and ready to learn even more about the person we were about to become life long partners with. (side note: I know many people who went with a closed mind, just to check something off the list, only to have a horrible time and feeling annoyed with the whole situation. I actually feel bad for them, that they didn't try and get the most out of the weekend and really take the time to grow as a couple).  In the end, we learned some important lessons that weekend and to this day still implement everything in our marriage on a daily basis. (It didn't hurt that our engaged encounter was in Malibu overlooking the ocean, writing in our journals each session, looking at the beautiful crystal clear blue water made everyone want to open up and be honest.)

Lesson 1: Learn how to fight fairly. We rarely fight, and when we do we rarely raise our voices and start a screaming match. This mostly has to do with our personalities, we are both pretty laid back and that's just not how we do things with anyone (especially me, I hate confrontation and will avoid it at all costs).

The correct way to fight (I know there are rules):

• Fight Fair - Never bring up past fights or arguments. That is not fighting fair. If you have already forgiven your partner for whatever it was you fought about in the past, it's done and over with, for you to bring it up means that you really didn't forgive them in the first place.
• Don't say "I'm Sorry" - Now and days I'm sorry is just thrown around like it means nothing. You accidentally bump into someone, you say I'm sorry.  You get in a fight with your partner and you say I'm sorry, you just said sorry to that person you don't even know. This can't be the same sorry to the person you love and pledged to live the rest of your life with.
• Ask for Forgiveness - Instead of saying "I'm sorry", say "husband, will you forgive me for (then state the reason you are asking for forgiveness). By doing this you are acknowledging their feelings and that you understand how they felt and how you made them feel in the process. It takes a lot of courage to ask for someone's forgiveness, since they have to reply with a yes I will forgive you, or no I don't forgive. It makes you vulnerable to them, instead of spouting out I'm sorry not really meaning it only to bring it up in another fight down the road.

Sometimes Mr. and I will need a cooling off period, time to really think about what is going on and reflect about how we really feel and why we feel that way. Sometimes I jump the gun a bit only to realize a little later that I wasn't really feeling one thing, but was really feeling another, but my first reaction was anger, when in reality it was really my feelings were hurt.

I know this doesn't work for everyone, but once Mr. and I went to bed angry with each other and both of us couldn't fall sleep and we ended up waking up around 2am to talk things out. After a few hours of just laying there awake, 2am seemed like a good time to talk things out, and after about 10 minute we both realized it was mis-communication and that we needed to work on our communication with each other.

So there you have it, so now go out and fight fair.

*Mr. and I did not live together before we got married. I moved all my stuff into his apartment the week before we got married and then I stayed with my parents until our wedding day. We went on our honeymoon to come back to a condo full of packed boxes. We aren't the norm I realize.

Lamb Cake & Random Wednesday

With Easter coming up I thought I would show you a lamb cake that I made. It's super easy and really fun for the kids.

No, it's not actual bits of lamb, so don't worry, keep reading.

You can get the mold here. I got mine at Micheal's, they should have them in stock because it's Easter time.

The directions said to use a heavier cake like pound cake, but I wanted to use a red velet cake, cause I'm a tad weird like that. Cutting open a lamb cake to find red cake in it, nothing beats that family reaction!

I didn't have this tutorial when I was making mine, but it's pretty much everything that I did. It's also in the instruction book that comes with the cake pan.

Basically you just fill one side of the cake pan to the top, basically one cake mix fills the entire thing. Then put the top half on, and tie it closed.

When the cake rises, it rises into the other half, so you end up with something that looks like this:

I made some butter cream frosting, the Wilton's recipe, you're going to need two batches of this:

Yields 3 cups


1 cup vegetable shortening
1 tsp Wilton Flavor (vanillia), this is a clear vanilla, so you get a true white color
2 Tablespoons water
1 lb. pure can confectioners' sugar (about 4 cups)
1 tablespoon Wilton Meringue Powder (this helps with decorating and makes it a little stiffer then it would be without it

Cream shortening, flavoring and water. Add dry ingredients and mix on medium speed until all ingredients have been thoroughly mixed together. Blend and additional minute or so, until creamy.

This is the basic recipe for a STIFF consistency icing.  For the base layer of icing you need to make the above recipe THIN consistency.

Thin Consistency: You'll need to add 2 teaspoons of water per cup of frosting (so you'll need to add 6 teaspoons of water to the above recipe.) I added some food gel coloring to make it slightly pink, I thought a white face was totally weird.

For the "fur" and face you'll need to make another batch of frosting with a MEDIUM consistency.

Medium Consistency: You'll need to add 1 teaspoon of water per cup of frosting (so you'll need to add 3 teaspoons of water to the above recipe).

I used this decorating tip, it's a triple tip, so I could get more coverage and wasn't deocrating for 5 hours...you can however do it one at a time, but your hand will get tired, I tried that the first time. Then remembered I had that triple decorating star tip.

Put aside some of the frosting to make the face, I used black gel coloring, but you can buy the already made black frosting from the baking isle in the grocery store, since black is a hard color to get. (that's why mine is gray)

Back view, the reason we have the bamboo skewers in there, was that we had to drive 40 miles to our destination and since we didn't use a dense cake it was a little wobbly. We took the front sticks out as soon as we got to our destination.

I colored some coconut green, and bam you have a lamb sitting on grass.

My family's reaction when we cut open the lamb and saw the red velvet cake inside.

Now onto some random things:

Last night I had a dream that I was in another 1/2 marathon. My knee problem was gone, my ankle problem was gone and I was feeling good. Is this my minds way of telling me to get that MRI and figure out what's wrong with my knee...I think so. I know Baby Fox will be happy to have the wind in his face again. Every time we got out in the jogging stroller he yells out "run Mama, run!"

My hair is at that really awkward point, where it's just annoying and laying on my back weird. It's taking everything in me not to just chop it off again. But I keep reminding myself, I'm growing it out so I can do this awesome sock bun that I've been hearing so much about. I want it...

I have exactly 27 days to finish my photo album book that I bought from Photobook America last July...I thought..April, I can do it by April, and here we are 5 days from April and I still have a long way to go. I can do this...bottom line, I need to stop taking naps on the weekend while Baby Fox takes his nap...but bed always sounds so much better than staring at a computer.

Linking up with Shanna today

We Met In A Bar - Conclusion

Part 1 here

Part 2 here

Part 3 here

Okay, so the conclusion is obvious, but I thought I would just let you know this is the last of it, cause I'm nice like that.

So I sit back at my desk and can't wait hardly a minute before I email him.*

*these have been paraphrased, I lost my email account that I wrote him from and his email doesn't go back 10 years apparently, just 9

My email to him:

Hi, this is me. Thank you for lunch.

Him to me:

So I guess I'm lucky.

Mine:

Yep I guess you are. Don't let it go to your head.

Him:

I'll try not to. I had a great time. Want to grab some lunch again sometime soon?

(Me - Darn it, I guess I can't lead him on any more, I have to tell him I have a boyfriend and that this can't go any further than friends. Guess I won't be hearing from him after I sent this email)

Mine:

That would be great, but I do have to be honest with you and tell you that I have a boyfriend. I totally understand if you don't want to talk to me again, but just wanted to be honest with you. I enjoyed getting to know you and hope that we can remain friends and still get to know each other.

What all guys want to hear right?

(Me - I assume I will not be hearing a response after I send this.)

(Mr. - Thinking a lot of 4 letter words that shouldn't be said out loud.)

His response - was much better worded than this, but along the lines of:

I'm sorry to hear that. I enjoyed meeting you and getting to know you. It just means that someone saw how wonderful you are and got to you before I even had a chance. He's a lucky guy. I hope this isn't goodbye, I'd still like to get to know you, as a friend. Hope to hear from you soon.

(Me - darn it, that was not the response that I was expecting. I had been wavering with my boyfriend at the time. We just weren't a good fit, we didn't agree on anything, religion, politics, how to raise kids. He was a great guy...on paper, but I just didn't see myself with him long term any more. I think at the time I thought I didn't deserve better, but that's for a different post, and was ultimately settling. Mr. made me feel more alive and I felt the connection with him immediately. Even if he and I didn't go anywhere, I knew that I had to end things with the other guy. There was just someone else out there for me.)

I honestly can't remember my response back. But we kept emailing on friendly terms. I did in fact break up with my boyfriend a couple of weeks later, and then waited another few weeks after that before I made actual plans to meet up with Mr. again.

On a side note: Mr. also had a girlfriend at the time, someone he has also been dating for a while. He broke up with her around the same time I broke up with the other guy.

And that my friends is how we met.

Us on our Honeymoon in Bora Bora - A surprise he kept until our wedding day. Yep, that's right, I had no idea where we were going on our honeymoon until our wedding day. All I knew was that I need a passport and that I MIGHT need some bathing suites.

Time frame: We met at the end of May and our first kiss was July 10th...in a bar (I only know this because I was in a wedding 2 days later, and took a few days off with my bestie and fellow bridesmaid to blow off steam before all the wedding festivities began).

Weekend Update

Gosh this weekend was pretty amazing! It wasn't any big thing, but just a lot of little things with just the family that made it so great. Being a family of three and enjoying each other and not having to be anywhere at a certain time. It was great.

Friday my parents signed their lease, before they headed home they came over and brought with them the Easter Bunny. They won't be with us Easter morning and wanted to give him an Easter basket and some eggs, they hid them all over the family room, he loved looking for them, and more importantly loved eating the M&M's inside.

Part of his Easter basket was a chicken family, he wanted to make them a little nest for bedtime.

Cause every chicken deserves a polka dot nest right?

Saturday the neighborhood Realtor lady puts on an Easter Event for our neighborhood. Baby Fox really wanted to bring the chicken family with us to the park, as he's gathering them all up (just in his arms and walking towards the door), we told him that the chicken family couldn't come with us. He set them down, thought for a second and came up with this:

That's his hand signal for me to come with "Come Mama!"

 How could we say no, when he solved the problem?

It was more fun this time because Baby Fox is finally able to go in the bounce house and not be afraid.

And it also had this awesome slide, that we had to tear him away from after going down 5 million times.

After we went and bought some plants for the backyard, yay finally 7 months later, we're finally getting some plants in the backyard, we're so excited! We came home for lunch and then relaxed a bit before naptime. Okay so I slept and Baby Fox watched Dinosaur Train before Mr. noticed him nodding off, and quickly scooped him up to take him upstairs for nap. Then we all took a 2 hour nap, it was glorious!

After we all work up refreshed we took a nice walk, ate dinner and watched some Lion King. Perfect end to a great day.

 Sunday was another swim lesson.

 Guess who just advanced to the next level? Makes us a little sad, the next level is just the students and teacher, no parents in the water, wahhhhh! But he's doing so great, we couldn't not sign him up. He's way more advanced than the other students in our class, and he wasn't really learning any more. It was time...sigh.

During naptime I worked on this bad boy.

After nap, Baby Fox watched Daddy fix a light fixture. Mr. thinks a glue gun can fix anything...we'll see...

See all those rocks next to Mr.? Yea that's Baby Fox's rock collection, it moves as a unit all over the backyard. That's just where it happened to end up before Mr. wanted to start his project.

So that is our weekend. A lot of nothings that added up to one great relaxing weekend. Now this week I need to get it together to get Easter stuff ready...what candy should I put in Baby Fox's Easter eggs? He's going to love searching for them in the backyard. Now to just remember how many I put out and where I put them...

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Linking up with:

Sami for "Weekend Update"and Faith, Sarah and Megan for "Mommy Moments"

We Met In a Bar - Part 3

Part 1 here.

Part 2 here.

I nervously called him back. Wondering what do I say, "Hey this is Sarah...", does he know who Sarah is? Is he going to say "Sarah who?" and then I shamelessly put my tail between my legs and crawl into a hole? But he called me...right?

But none of those things happened, he seemed genuinely happy to hear from me and maybe slightly relieved? We talked briefly and decided to go to lunch that day! Talk about fast, but it was probably the best scenario, I didn't have time to get nervous/over analyze what was happening. It was literally only 2 hours away and he was coming to pick me up.

Those two hours passed fairly quickly, you know doing the whole work thing. All of a sudden I get a phone call and it's him saying he's outside waiting for me.

Talk about butterflies! I have to mention that I literally had forgotten what he looked like! I mean it's been over two weeks and I had written him off, so my brain pushed the image of him out of my head. So I had no idea what I was walking into.

He was standing on the opposite side of a planter box, so I could just see the back of his head. He was leaning against the planter box, with his leg up, literally it was one of those model poses. I quickly walk around and say hi, and my heart nearly stopped, he was MUCH cuter then I remembered.

We ended up going to California Pizza Kitchen. I got my favorite Chinese Chicken Salad and he got some sort of pizza. We talked like we had been friends forever and never had a break in conversation. Everything he said made me think, I really want to get to know this guy, there is just something about him that I need to know more. When we were done eating, neither of us wanted to leave, but our lunch hour was almost up and we both had to get back to work. As we were walking back to the car we were like magnets to each other and our hands kept brushing against each other. Each time an electric current passed between us. We looked at each other and smile.  I had to keep saying...I have a boyfriend, I have a boyfriend, I have a boyfriend and every fiber of my being not to want to grab his hand and run. (side note: Mr. thinks that it was all me brushing his hand, and to this day, he maintains that story)

While he was dropping me off, he says here's my email address, email me, you know before all those social circles started popping up, we did this thing called emailing.

I smiles and said, "if you're lucky" and got out of the car.

This is us on a trip to Chicago to visit one of my college roommates. This is about10 months after we started dating.

Random Dive Bar

Navy Pier Ferris Wheel

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We Met In A Bar - Part 2

Part 1 here.

We left off that we were headed to Mr.'s friend's apartment. Yea I know sketchy right? But don't tell me you didn't do this too. I sort of left this part out when telling my mom the story, oops. Sorry Mom if you're reading this! We get there and we're just hanging out, beers were passed around. You know just a bunch of girls and guys hanging out. Well the friend and the other boy disappeared in the back somewhere so it was just 3 girls and 2 guys left.

Since they were a band and they knew how to play and sing, we convinced them to give us a performance. No joke, they broke out the guitars and Mr. started singing...right there in front of us, and I might have swooned a little bit. I think they did 2 songs or so? What a way to win over a girl. So Mr. comes and sits by me, we're all talking and laughing when suddenly he grabs my hand, like this isn't a big deal, I do this all the time. I blushed, and felt that giddy feeling you get when you meet someone new and you're into them and they're digging you too. You know the feeling, right?

It was getting sort of late, so we decided that we're going to leave, one of the guys is going to drive us all back, but since there are 4 of us, and his car only fits 5, we had to leave Mr. behind :( So I'm about to get in the car, and my friend looks at Mr. and he looks all sad that he can't come with, so my friend says Sarah go hug your friend, so I bound over and give him the best hug ever. We left, got home safely and I thought I would never hear from him again...

Okay so I hate when people end in a cliff hanger like that and then wait weeks and weeks to keep going, so I'll continue.

The first few days I had hoped he would call, but soon after that I forgot about him and went about my life and trying to figure out what to do with this boyfriend that I had. Fast forward 2 weeks, yes 2 weeks and I get a voice mail message from an unknown number.

"Hi this is Mr., umm....I think we met at a bar in Hollywood a couple of weeks ago. I've tried but I can't get you out of my mind, want to do lunch sometime this week? Call me back at...hope you hear from you."

Oh he's smooth...he says it like he does this all the time, and I'm just a girl he called and he couldn't really remember where he met me...uh huh.

Nervous butterflies and I try to calmly call him back...

Our first wedding together, we had been dating for 5 months