Thursday, August 14, 2014

When Is a Good Time for Baby #2?

Another Thursday, another topic for the One Year and Beyond Series, today's topic? Deciding when the time is right for baby #2 (and/or how to handle these questions). Hmmm...obviously we had baby #2 and thought the time was right, but looking back, here is what I thought I knew and now looking back here is what I know now.
What I thought I knew/wanted: I want my kids to be no more than two years apart.
What I know now:  I think whatever age difference your kids are there are pros and cons. I have a friend who had her kids 16 months apart, she loves the age difference now, but admits that it was ROUGH having her kids so close in age for the first year, now it's a lot better and they play together, etc, but she said it was rough, especially because her second one was needy as all get out. 
I thought I wanted ours 2 years apart, but we tried and it just didn't happen for us and it ended up that they are 2.75 years apart and now looking back, it's amazing. Baby Fox was old enough to really understand what was going on, and is actually really helpful. He understands when I tell him to stand next to the car and wait for me, instead of running out into the parking lot. He understands when I have to feed sister and can't attend to his every needs. He can play by himself while I tend to Mini Fox's needs. I think any younger it would have obviously been doable, but this age gap is perfect for us.

What I thought I knew/wanted: That people didn't mind if you asked them when they were having a second if you were close friends.

What I know now: So not true! While we didn't have the same struggle as some people have, it felt like it at the time. With Baby Fox I got pregnant on the first try, so in my head it was going to happen right away. But it didn't and time passed and both of my good friends got pregnant and were due two weeks apart and I felt left out. They had all of their pregnancy woes to talk about and I felt left out and alone. Every month that passed by and we weren't pregnant I cried. Why did I cry? We had a perfectly healthy, wonderful 1.5 year old. Every time someone asked me when we were going to have a second it was like someone punching me in the gut. I wanted to scream and say, we are trying and it's just not happening for us, why don't you mind your own business. Meanwhile, 2 more close friends announced their pregnancies. So now I know, just don't ask any more. I don't know what they are going through, I don't know anything about them, even if it's a good friend. If they mention it, I'll talk with them, but in general I don't mention it. 

What did I eventually start saying when people asked? Most of the time I would just laugh it off and say it's not for lack of trying, wink wink. But as the months wore on, my answers turned curt and I answered in a way where they knew not to ask again. I know, so dramatic, but it's how I felt at the time. And how you feel is how you feel, right?
So what are your thoughts on the subject?
How far apart are you kids?
  Hopefully you can relate to all of these Baby #2 talks this week!  Check out the other mama's blogs for even more!  And be sure to link up with us below if you also have a post on this.  
Aug 14:  Deciding when the time is right for baby #2 (and/or how to handle these questions)
Aug 21:  Tricks for eating out with your toddler
Aug 28:  Feeling confident as a mom (How to feel this way, Your struggle with, etc.)


  1. Love your thoughts. I've never wanted kids close in age. I know that I am not cut out for juggling like that. It was hard enough with one. I always said if we had more than one I wanted them to be a decent gap apart. Honestly, when I see people with three...the relationship between the eldest and youngest always seems awesome. They are excited and understand and can help. But, we aren't even sure if we want another at all. But at least we are sure not right now =)

  2. I love this! What we thought and what we think now can change so fast! I like the curt answers. People should be aware of what they are asking. I know people don't mean any harm in it but it can still be unintentionally hurtful. We have a 3 year old and are trying for #2.

  3. This is the #1 question we get asked..."When is baby #2 coming??" And honestly, we just don't even know! Nathan and I are both to the Max! Like, will we be able to afford two? And my husband worries about them being the times they can't tell you what is hurting/bothering them!

  4. I loved this! The age gap between your kids seems perfect for your family!

  5. I would LOVE to have my second baby be 2.75 apart from Mia, I guess we will see what happens in the future!

  6. My boys are 25 and 27 months apart and I have loved it. Although, after Bennett was born, those first few months were HARD and I wished Cullen was older and swore we wouldnt have them that close again...whoops! I am sure it was hard when people asked what your timeline was.. I hated when (and still do) when people ask when I am 'trying' for a girl.

  7. People are already asking us this! Someone actually spread words that I am pregnant. I was like "WTF?!" I like your views on the topic. I also wanted no more than 2 year gap for our kids, but Terry wants a gap closer to 4. We met in the middle and said 2-3 years. I keep hearing that there's pros and cons no matter what age gap it is, so I am not stressing out too much about it. I figure we will see how things goes with Maylee first and just try to enjoy our time with her rather than hoping for another child and missing out on special moments with my baby girl. That 2.75 year gap sounds perfect. I'd be happy if that happens to us!

  8. I think people assume if you were able to have #1 you can easily have #2 whenever you please, but just like asking a couple without children (like me & my hubby) when are you going to have kids? asking about #2 still can invade the privacy / personal decision of a couple, or struggle they are experiencing. Love this post - such a good reminder that it is different for every family & that their personal decision should be left between them to share if/when they want to!

  9. Sarah you're too cute! My kids are 2.5 yrs apart. I thought they wouldn't fight...ha! What was good is that when the first was heading to kindergarten I had one on one time with the littlest. Now...they had at least one year of high school together..leaving the younger one enough room to spread his wings. :)