Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

5 Ways To Squeeze In Date Night

Hi Foxy Friends! Today I thought I would continue on with my Marriage Series, it's been on hiatus for a while, but I'm back today talking about how we squeeze in date night.



| One | Find Time

Most important is to find the time. Mr. and I both work full time, so it's really important that we find time for each other. So each night after the kids go to bed, we make lunches for the next day together, then we watch one show together then head off to bed.


| Two |  Day Dates

Mr. and I almost always try to take an extra day after we get back from vacation to spend with each other. So you get an extra day of vacation and you get a date, win-win before going back to normal life. It's a normal day of school and after school stuff, and Mr. and I head out for brunch, movies, shopping, whatever we feel like.



| Three | Make Plans

Schedule date nights far in advance. I know everyone's dance card fills up quick, I know that ours does at least a month or two in advance, so I started to schedule in date nights and get either my parents or a babysitter to watch them so we can go out. We try to go to a nice dinner, so we can talk...mostly about the kids and how cute they are, but it's uninterrupted talking with no Mom, Mom, Mom...


| Four | Trade with Friends

Sometimes it doesn't workout to get a babysitter, but trading babysitting services with friends with kids your kids age works well. We have some friends who have kids that play really well with our kids, so we know that dropping them off there isn't too much of a pain for them, because everyone plays so nicely. And Vice versa, their kids stay with us while they go out.


| Five |  Compliment Each Other

I know this isn't exactly a date night, but families get busy and you can't always get out. The kids are up too late with a cold, or a scary monster in their closet, so when you can't get away at all, go out of your way to compliment your significant other. A "you're doing a great job", or "thanks for bathing the kids", or "thanks for doing the dishes", or "you look nice tonight"...goes a long way. It reminds the other person that you do appreciate all that they do for you and the family.

5 relatively easy ways to squeeze in date night. Mostly you have to make it happen. They won't happen by themselves if you don't plan and follow through. Maybe surprise your significant other by setting up the babysitting situation and telling them you're going out, the babysitter is on the way!

So how do you find time to date your significant other?



Linking up here

Sunday, April 2, 2017

My Marriage In Numbers

I thought I would take a different approach to Deena's Month in Numbers link up this month. Since today is Mr. and my 12 year anniversary, I thought I would share 12 things about our marriage, here we go.

12 - The number of years we have been married.



11 - The number of months we were dating before we got engaged.

10 - The number of months we were engaged before we got married.

9 - The number of professional photos sessions we've had.

2010 (Baby Fox 1 month old)
 
1 year old
 



8 - The number of states we crossed on an East Coast road trip without listening to the radio (actually if you're counting there and back it was more like 17, but that's not on the list, so we'll go with 8 on the way up the coast).


7 - The number of years we have been in our house.



6 - The number of amazing vacations we've taken together, not including weekends away.

Bora Bora




5 - The number of months it took to remodel our house, and lived in 2 rooms, the others were a disaster and not livable.

4 - The number of cars we have bought together.

3 - The number of places we have lived together, 1 condo, 1 apartment, 1 house.

2 - The number of cute kids we have.



1 - The number of dishes I knew how to cook when we got married, fajitas in case you were wondering.

Happy Anniversary Mr.! I love you to the moon and back and then some.

Linking up here

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Keeping My Marriage Strong

Linking up with Shay and Erica for Workin' It Wednesday, today's topic is Keeping your Marriage Strong. I love this topic and talking relationships, so much so that I've done a whole series on it, not entirely sure if I'm done with the series, but for now I am, anyone have any topics they want me to cover?

Anyway, I also did a post over on The Blended Blog on 5 Ways To Be a Better Spouse.



A quick recap of that post:

One: Chose To Love
Two: It Takes Two To Spend Money
Three: Fight Fair
Four: Blessings
Five: 100/100

I really liked that post, it was about the things that Mr. and I do to make us a better spouse, which in turns makes our marriage stronger. Those things that I mentioned are more long term things, so I thought today I would share some of our daily things that makes our marriage stronger.

| ONE |

I know this won't work for some, but for us our time is after the kids go to bed. We need at least an hour after they go to bed to unwind and relax and talk about our day together. We have our shows that we watch together, and that's what we do, we talk during commercial breaks, although mostly we skip through those, so we actually pause the show and say hey you know what...fill in with random thought here. 

This picture has nothing to do with watching tv, I just thought it was cute and it was taken just before bed
| TWO |

We do things as a family. I know this sounds weird for keeping our marriage strong, but really our kids are so important to us, and when we really think about it, we would much rather spend time with them then anything else. That's why after they go to bed is so important because that's our time.



| THREE |

This seems so weird to keeping your marriage strong, but really this works for us. We have our own time. He likes to play video games and having time to himself. When I met Mr. he had been living on his own for 7 years, so he valued his alone time. Usually it's during the kids nap time. He goes to his office, I stay down stairs and we really just do our own thing. Now that Baby Fox doesn't do nap time, we still send him to his room for some down time, no electronics, just him time, to play think, rest do what he wants in his room. I think everyone sort of needs to reset their brain and not talk to anyone.

What's better than blogging and watching Vampire Diaries? I know, I still watch it, I'm too invested to not watch it.



So that is 3 things that we do to make our marriage stronger. I'm looking forward to see what everyone else does to keep their marriage strong.

 

Linking up here 


Thursday, September 18, 2014

Lesson 10: Why We didn't Live Together Before Marriage - Part 2

If you haven't read part 1, click here.

Here are some more of my thoughts on Why We Didn't Live Together Before Marriage - Part 2.


When you are living together for awhile, people start to ask, so when you getting married? I feel that some people may just do it because it's the next logical step, but if they were not living together maybe they wouldn't feel that it was necessary. I really believe that you need to take away all other factors, and really listen to your heart, deep down you know what you need to do, but it isn't always the easy choice.

Not living together gives you something to look forward to after the wedding. It's going to be new and exciting starting your life together, figuring out where everything goes what are the quarks you didn't know about before. You want to make this work, you compromise, you know it's for the long haul. You don't just appease the other person because you've just moved in and you're still in your dating honeymoon phase.  You're married now, I just feel mentally you are thinking a little differently then if you're just dating and moving in together. Also, it's just not another day, when you get back from your honeymoon everything all new and different. 

I know for Mr. and me, our relationship was definitely not out of convenience, we were living in different cities and took about 45 minutes to get to each other.  It made us really just appreciate that we were finally married, living together and could see each other everyday. It was like we were having a slumber party, staying up late talking every night. Heck even 10 years later we still stay up late talking every night.

I say, keep something special for when you get married, like living together. You're becoming one, not only in spirit, but also physically. You're moving into one household, giving your relationship the next level of learning about each other and becoming closer. Just remember this lesson, wake up and chose to love your partner each and everyday, even if some days are harder than others.

Any topics you want me to write about for this series? Let me know in the comments!

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Lesson 9: Why We Didn't Live Together Before Marriage - Part 1

In case you're new here, I've been doing a marriage series about what makes our marriage work. You can find other posts here. Go check them out.



Today it's all about why Mr. and I chose not to live together before marriage. Although it would have been way more convenient. I told you guys in the First Marriage Lesson that we didn't live together, and now here are the reasons why.


When we went to our Engaged Encounter there were approximately 50 couples, and we were one of the only couples that didn't live together. It's definitely not the norm but it worked for us. Actually my roommate who said she was going to stay until we got married and take over the apartment with her sister, moved out unexpectedly (a story to be told at another time) and left me with the all the bills. So Mr. had to help me out there, he had a roommate and used his roommates rent money to help me pay my rent. It was a crazy time, let me tell ya! Anyway I digress.

Before we even met we had never lived with anyone, and if we had been living with someone, we never would have gotten together. Yes we were both dating people, and we have both said that had we been living with someone we probably wouldn't have gotten together. But because we weren't living with those people, it was easy to break up with them. That being said both of us were near the end of those relationships. I was close to breaking up with my then boyfriend, but just couldn't pull the plug, he was a great guy and we had talked marriage, I loved him very much but our views on important things just were too different, i.e. how to raise children and I couldn't get past it. We had talked about it since we started dating, especially religion, and I thought we could get past it, but a year later were still having the same discussions.


I wasn't sure of the exact statistics and if you look it up, there are varying statistics, but Dr. Phil has a bunch of statistics, and frankly there are a little confusing, but I feel that people who live together who are just "testing" the waters to see if you are compatible are somewhere deep down not fully committed. Meaning deep down you know you can just walk away at any time. And I really do think that thought goes into the marriage too. You get married, but your living arrangement is still the same, you go home after the wedding to the same place you always have, so if that hasn't changed, why all of a sudden is that feeling of I can just walk away (whether it be conscious or subconscious) go away too? I do not think this applies to people who are engaged already who then move in together, although I would not do that, and didn't, as it would have been really easy to move in with Mr. when my roommate wanted the apartment and tried to kick me out. I do not think that moving in together should be taken lightly, and just because you are going to save money by living together, or you're always sleeping over at each others places is a good reason to move in together. Think about the future, can you see yourself living with this person the rest of your life? If the answer is yes, then why aren't you proposing, getting engaged, talking about marriage, moving on with the relationship? What is moving in together getting you?

If you answered, well I want to know if I am compatible with them. If you're compatible in every other way, does how he folds his socks really going to change your mind? If you have an absolute deal breaker, that you cannot and will not live with someone who does.....(fill in the blank), well then just ask them. Everything you do in marriage is compromise, when you start living together you find out the little things about the person that bother you. Case in point, Mr. didn't know I don't like putting things away when I know I'm going to use it the next night. This drove him crazy, and for the first couple months of marriage he went around and cleaned up after me. But then when it boiled down to it, he decided that it wasn't worth it for him to constantly clean up after me, and he decided that it wasn't going to bother him. Had it bothered him, we would have had a discussion about it, and I would have compromised. Things like that, aren't going to be marriage deal breakers, you talk about it and move on. If you can't talk about things that bother each other before then moving in together, moving in together isn't going to change that.

 
I have more on this topic, but will save for another day.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Marriage is a Lifetime - Lesson 8, Part 2

Back in April (wow, how has it been that long?) anyway.... back in April I introduced you to Dave. And his 7 steps to financial peace. I'll wait for you to go read it...okay now that you're back let's move on to how we incorporated it into our lives.


 
I think the financial part is HUGE in a marriage, it can tear a lot of marriages apart, this is something that needs/should be done with both partners. It shouldn't be on one person to figure everything out, it should be an on going conversation, daily/weekly/monthly, whatever you chose, just start talking!

If this seems overwhelming I'll break it down for you. Since I'm an engineer, I'll talk in outline format...cause I like the way they look.

*sidenote: We rarely use our credit cards, we use our debit card, so we can see everything that we spend in the month that we spend it, credit cards are a month to a month and half behind when it actually, so it's harder to keep track of spending for that month. If we do end up using a credit card for a big purchase, we do count it in the month that we ACTUALLY spent the money, not when the credit card bill came in.

Okay back to my list:



1)      Get at least 2 months worth of data of exactly how you are spending your money each month (it will surprise you, we didn’t think we were spending that much on food, but turns we were spending a TON on food)

a)      Don't leave anything out (count those quick stops to 7-11 for snack food, coffee, postage stamps, etc, we were able to do this right away since we don't ever use cash and ALWAYS use our debit card

i)        If you can't get the exact details but want to start right away with budgeting, try your best guess using the data you do have, your budget is constantly changing each month, so monthly adjustments will have to be made.

2)      Figure out how much money you are bringing in a month

a)      If this varies, use the worst case scenario, that way if you get more, it’s just an added bonus and can go to whatever you want.

3)      Take out the necessities to live

a)      Mortgage/rent
b)      Food
i)        When we first started this we went from spending about $1200 a month (for just the two of us) to spending about $650 a month, huge difference right? That’s $550 to use for debt people!
(1)   We decided that we wanted to try to spend less, so we took the money out in cash each month, it really helped us to understand how much money we were spending on food. We would be out and about and think let’s go out to eat, and then realize we only have $200 left of food money, let’s just eat those left overs we have at home. It really makes you see how much money you waste on food, and how we do a lot of things out of convenience.
c)      Utilities – Power, Water, Gas
d)     Transportation
i)         Car payment
ii)       Car Insurance
e)      Debt payments
i)        Refer back to debt snowball for this (click here for Dave’s Debt Snowball Tool - looks like you have to pay for it, but you can try it for 7 days, then you can see how you can adapt their system to work for you in excel); figure out exactly how much extra you have to do this…the quicker you pay this off, the quicker you’ll have the freedom to spend your money how you want, when you want! I know easier said than done. 

4)      Decide what you absolutely need to start saving for. This might vary depending on how much debt you have to pay off. For example, if you would rather just throw everything into paying this off as quickly as possible, that is totally fine, you can do this part after you pay off all your debt. If you just want to save for some of the things, like House Insurance, Property Tax, Car Repairs, House Repairs…even if it’s a small amount a month, it adds up and when those things happen, you can rest assured that you don’t need to panic and you can just take it out of that “fund”

a)      Here are a few suggestions, that Dave gives and that we do as well.
i)           Charitable Gifts
ii)         Property Tax
iii)       House Repairs
iv)       House Insurance
v)         Car Replacement
vi)       Car Repairs/Tags/Maintenance
vii)     Clothes
viii)   Medical Bills
ix)       Life Insurance
x)         Furniture/Home Décor
xi)       Gifts (including Christmas)
xii)     Vacation
xiii)   Entertainment

b)      Here are a few that we save for that we think are important to us
i)           Sarah Camera Fund (I’m constantly saving for new equipment)
ii)         Music for Mr. (I told you he writes music as a hobby right?)
iii)       Gym
iv)       Preschool

5)      Now that you have the categories you need to save for, decide how much you want to save per year and divide that by 12, so you have your monthly save for each category.



6)      Find some way to keep track of your budget. Dave has a tool you can use here, I’ve never used it, but it’s a start! If you find you don’t like it, you can figure out what you DO like. We use a very extensive Excel spread sheet, but I hear that there are some great Apps out there to use. I like to use Excel, easy to see everything at once on a computer, and not a tiny mobile device. *sorry I can’t suggest one, if anyone has a good one, leave it in the comments, others might benefit.

a)      Make sure that you distribute how much your projected income is for the month at the  begining of the month, that way you have something to work towards. Meet weekly to check in with each other and make sure that your spreadsheet is still working for you, if something came up and you need to move funds around, do at the meeting.


7)      It seems hard now, but really, after almost doing this for 4 years, Mr. and my time commitment went from about 10 hours a month to maybe 1-2 hours a month, if that. It really does pay off to know exactly where your money is going and how it can work for you!


Here is an example of a budget that you could do in Excel, the numbers are purely made up. *There is one more thing that you can't see, I made sure that the Budgeted Amount, equals how much the Total Income is.




As you can see, everything is accounted for. The "Blow Money" category is for those things that you don't plan for and don't fit into a category. Some of the numbers might seem random, like the Personal Care, which is a very extra item, but I copied the excel sheet we did for my parents and some of the numbers I didn't change, like the personal care and the gym.

Of course there is work behind any budget you do, you have to enter the actual numbers into this spreadsheet, just like any budgeting type app you would do. Since we use debit card for pretty much EVERYTHING, I just download our statement into Excel, and use that for helping me enter all of my data into this excel sheet.

Always remember:


You are controlling your money to work for you, not the other way around

If you want to buy an extra pair of shoes, that's great, but the money has to come from somewhere, so maybe the personal care number is a little less. We try not to take money from categories that we will need in the future, like the car replacement fund, or the house insurance, etc.

Was this helpful? I know it's a lot of information at once, but hopefully this gets you started. Just go step by step, do one step each evening, and in the course of a week, you'll have it done!

Linking up with Faith, Sarah and Heather for Mommy Moments