Thursday, May 22, 2014

How I deal with Mommy Guilt

Today I'm joining up with these mama's for some mommy thoughts, today's topic? Mommy guilt and how to deal with it. A couple of weeks ago I had talked about my mommy guilt, but never really talked about how to deal with it. So here I am, going to discuss how in the end I chose to deal with my mommy guilt.

Mommy Guilt, what a word, all mom's feel it at some point or another. For me I think I felt it full force a few weeks ago. I felt guilty for how I was feeling, I was feeling frustrated, angry but mostly helpless. I think a lot of the time that's where the guilt comes from, from feeling helpless. Helpless that we don't know what to do, wonder if you're doing it correctly, wondering if what you're doing is going to send them to therapy for years to come. Here is something to think about when you are feeling a little bit of that Mommy Guilt creep in.

Stop and think about the origin of the guilt. 

Is it that you are going back to work and you feel guilty that you have to work?  Stop and think about it. Are you going to work to provide for your family? Does your child love his daycare and gets to socialize with other toddlers and comes home happy, well fed and with lots of fun projects? Think about that, they're having fun and learning, and you're providing for your family. Your child most likely still jumps in your arms and prefers you over their daycare provider.

Baby Fox crawling towards me when I get home from work

Mini Fox crawling towards me when I got home from the gym

Or is it that you have decided that CIO is for you and now that your child is crying you're not sure why you chose that method? Or you have decided that co-sleeping is for you and then feel guilty when you want them out of your bed? Stop and think about it. For us we did a modified CIO, and at the time it was the hardest thing to hear your child cry, but in the end (2-3 weeks or intermittent crying) now all I have to do is put them down in the crib and there is no crying, they are awake and can put themselves to sleep, a life long lesson: being able to put themselves to sleep. We did this for both of our kids and both of them take great naps, and have a nice nap schedule and they know when it's time for bed/naps and how to do it without all the crying. Yes it was hard at first, but now...they can go to sleep on their own, there isn't an hour and a half of rocking and singing to sleep.

Or maybe your temper is short and you've yelled one too many times than you'd like? Stop and think about it, why are you so angry, is it that you didn't get enough sleep last night (lately that's what my issue is, I need more sleep), is it your child isn't listening? Figure out why you are short tempered and then go from there. If it's that your child isn't listening, count to 10, ask your self, why is your child not listening, most of the time mine doesn't listen when he is distracted or tired, if that is the case I fix the distraction and get him to refocus, or I recognize that he's tired and just remind myself that he's tired and try to get him to bed faster.

Or you see that mom on that blog and she's made a gourmet meal for her kids after getting up at 4am, getting a full workout, looks perfect before working an 8 hour day and having a project ready for Dad when he gets home.  Stop and think about it. If your kid won't eat most of those gourmet meals, then why feel guilty about not making them, you're kid won't eat it, so why make it? And if you still feel guilty, make those fancy dinners on the weekends when you have more time, or start trying to prepare things on the weekend so dinner on the weeknights are easy and fast, but fancy, like making a lasagna on the weekend and cooking during the week. That is her life and what she likes to do for her family, your thing might be making crazy hats, or playing outside with your kids, or, or, or...this list goes on. Find your thing, and know that is what makes your kid happy, not some other kid, but your kid.

Baby Fox loves cooking, here we are making green eggs and ham

Mini Fox just likes playing with toys

Or that you want some you time. Stop and think about it, you need some time to refresh and rejuvenate. You need time to remember who you are so you can be your best self for your kids. Always remember you were you before you were a Mom. You need to feel good about yourself so that you can project that feeling to your kids. If you're happy, they know that and in return will be happy kids.

Sometimes to stop and think about it, won't be enough, that's when I try to look at the big picture, in the end is this really going to hurt your child? No he's not going to perish and die because you fed him Kraft mac and cheese instead of homemade. No he's not going to hate you because you sent him to a daycare that he absolutely loves and all of his friends are there. And in my case, he hates going to the gym daycare, well I would rather deal with this issue now, when I'm only going to be gone for an hour then have this start when he starts preschool in the Fall. I know this is for the good, that this is building his character, he's 3 and doesn't know the big picture, but I do. I am the adult and I KNOW that this is going to help him deal with preschool better. At least I think I do, and if I don't, then I'll change what I know and adapt and move on.There is no kid handbook, and you do the best you can. In the end, you do what you think is right for your child, The.End, no comparing yourself to other people because they are not you, they don't have your child, you know them best and you love them with all your heart. Hold onto that thought, you love them with all your heart, you only do things in their best interest, not because you are vindictive, but because you love them.

Linking up with One Year and Beyond Link Up and Nicole


  1. So well said!! Wonderful post. It's a great idea to really get to the root of the issue and deal with it there, than try to just forget about it. Love your tips! Thanks so much for posting and linking up!

  2. love the new blog look!! oh the mommy guilty mine is just starting...

  3. this might be my most favorite post of yours of all time! Maybe because it hits home so much for me and I seriously was considering doing a "mom guilt" post this week! You read my mind! I may still do one, but there's no way I can capture it how you have! thank you ;)

  4. Oh my gosh.... you are so spot on! I definitely feel the moments of guilt most when I'm feeling helpless!! Love this post!! You are such an amazing momma and an inspiration to me!