Thursday, May 8, 2014

Something Serious, Something Fun

Usually this blog is light hearted and fun, but today, today I'm going to get real. My real life.
I like to think it looks like this all the time, snuggling with my kids, while they try to kiss each other.

But in reality that's not everyday life. Enter Mommy guilt. I seriously have never really felt it, when I went back to work both times, nothing, I knew it was something that I had to do for my family. We used to go to 24 hour fitness, but recently we joined a new fitness club (it just opened 2 weeks ago). Cue, major meltdowns by Baby Fox. There are a ton more kids in this daycare area and he's just not used to it. It literally gives me anxiety taking him to the gym with me. I try to get him to like it, to show him what they have to offer (They have a TON to do there, have gymanstics, karate, music, etc) classes for the kids to take, and he cries EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. I feel bad that I get frustrated at him for not liking it. It's how he feels. I haven't really gotten a full workout in yet because they keep calling me to come pick him up. I feel upset that I didn't get workout in, that I'm  to feel "fat" cause I haven't legitimately worked out in 2 weeks and that I don't get any time for me (selfish, I know). Then I feel bad that I'm gone at work all day, then want to go workout for 40 minutes, he cries, he hates it, he cries some more. I see all the other kids his age and they are running around having the time of their lives. But my son isn't like that, he's sensitive, he doesn't like large crowds. One of the reasons we are doing this is to get him used to us dropping him off somewhere and coming back later. i.e. preschool that's going to start in the Fall. We are trying to avoid these sort of meltdowns. It's not working. I'm getting frustrated, I hate feeling frustrated and anger with how he is feeling. Makes me feel even worse when he just wants to spend time with me. But he needs to get socialized, maybe it's too early? Then I see the other kids his age playing and know that age wise it's appropriate. Then I feel frustrated again, And then the circle of feelings goes back around to feeling guilty for wanting to leave him somewhere, etc. We're going to keep trying for the next couple of months, and hope that eventually he'll be okay with us leaving for 45 minutes. If not, I guess we'll have to quit the club, which makes me sad.  We thought of trying to bring something from home, but he said, I might lose it, I don't want to lose it. Smart kid. I've tried staying for 10 minutes, and then sneaking out, cue hysterical crying and running around looking for me calling my name. The problem isn't that we're not there, it's the quantity of people. It upsets him and I don't know if we can change how he feels about that.

He even likes working out, pretty good form if you ask me!
Then I read this story about Ryan, cue the crying in my mom's arms last night, thinking, how can I feel this way when Ryan's family is going through so much more. There aren't going to be any more frustrating moments for them, all they will have are memories. Puts things into perspective doesn't it? This too shall pass, so I'm going to go and hug my little man and little princess and tomorrow is another day. #RedBalloonsForRyan

She's not a part of our membership, but I thought this was a cute picture! She's growing up much too fast! She'll be 8 months old tomorrow...where did the time go?!

Anyway, enough seriousness for now...onto the fun stuff! So remember when I told you about my new iphone? Well with my new iphone comes social media! I can finally join the ranks with the rest of world and you can see even more cute pictures of my kids.  I got an Instagram account! Now to just start adding pictures...hopefully soon! But start following now so you'll know when I do start posting regularly. I also got a facebook page, so if you want to see me pop up on your newsfeed, go ahead and like it, it would really make my day! :)

Please pray for Ryan's parents and family for the strength they are going to need during this very difficult time. Now go cuddle your husband, kids, fur babies or whatever it is that makes your heart happy.

Linking up with Faith, Sarah and Heather


  1. Oh sweet momma!! Isn't mommy guilt the worst?? I wish I had good advice for you on this one! I hear other people say that your kid will eventually learn to tolerate, then like, then love their new scenery. Change is hard, especially for kids. They happen to be creatures of habit when they are young (I believe that's why most function the best when they are on a schedule) and maybe he just needs a little time to get used to the new? Sending you lots of love!!

  2. Oh gosh, so sorry about all of this. Our oldest has anxiety issues. I had a big party for this 3rd birthday and he threw up and then just played by himself. Same thing happened at a zoo. However, he's gotten SO much better, so I'm praying it gets better for you guys too - sometimes it just takes more time than we think it should! Good luck!

  3. Oh Mommy guilt is horrible. I've tried dropping Aislynn off for an hour on Wednesdays and she just has a fit. She is super attached because I'm with her all the time. But I know it's what's best for her, but I feel terrible doing it! Your situation is definitely tricky because he needs to get used to it to start preschool. Could you have your nanny start bringing him to classes or library readings? They usually have small groups and it might be easier for him to get used it that way.

  4. C used to HATE gym daycares and B hated the child development center in Monterey but both LOVE school. I think the drop-in enviroment can be a little overwhelming, whereas school is more routine and familiar. Hang in there!